fatrap

One day in the summer i got home and had two hours to kill before work so wrote this because i dont possess sympathy for fatties:

When im dressing its most depressing,

all i wanna do is see past my boobs,

haven’t seen my feet in years,

i have to fight back the tears,

my tears of lard,

being a victim is hard.

Jam rolls bread rolls fig rolls cheese rolls sausage rolls ham rolls make my rolls my rolls

And my rolls, they just wont budge, and these stupid health freaks say i cant eat fudge or

Chocolate dark chocolate milk chocolate and toffee

Don’t tell me that i cant put sugar in my coffee

What not even milk? come on thats just unfair

I’ll just put extra cream on my chocolate éclair

You’re killing yourself in the words of the GP

(sarc) Oh yeah thats right its all down to me?!

Ive told you before it’s hereditary,

plus ive got big bones, and weird hormones

its not my fault, im definitely prone

to acquiring cushioning on my hip bones

i even drip fat from my erogenous zones

so it’s NOT a choice and a don’t have a voice,

im sick and tired of being labelled as a being greedy

But that isn’t true and im definitely not needy

Im also tired from my walk round the shop

Can i get a lift home please from the bus stop?

Pushing that trolley for nearly a whole hour

My muscles are all fat, i just don’t have the power

Can you also pass me the remote to the tv?

Jeremy kyle's on at ten and they're MUCH fatter than me

Can you also give me a hand up out of this chair?

I forgot to put the cream on my chocolate eclair.

So no, im not needy, i get by just fine

And theres more to life than a person’s waist line

A drain on the economy? How dare you say that?!

Ive got enough to deal with, im already fucking FAT!

I pay my taxes, i pay for taxies, i buy enough twixes and other sugar fixes to fund a whole nation, with room for inflation, and not inflation of me, although inevitably, because i can't lose weight and as much as i HATE the world around me nothing’s going to change and they say im deranged and ive got rabies and mange and i stink and im lazy and i’d probably eat the daisies if i could just bend over to pick one....being fat is not fun

But at least im jolly, yeah big personality, isn’t that what they say? Its kind of like being gay, you compensate in other ways.

So don’t pick on the minorities

what counts is whats inside of me...

What? Heart disease and diabetes? General fatigue and clogged arterties?

No don’t give me that, the doctors chatting shit!

Its like smokers and lung cancer, only some of them get it

They just don’t want me to enjoy my life

They like me suffering from trouble and strife

Trying to change what i do, for my own benefit Pah

Its up to me if i don’t want to shit

They just don’t understand that i just cant help it

I like having pizza and chips with cheese melted

And to get past my fat you need a torchlight and a helmet

But no i like being fat and i am who i am

Maybe you should try it, have you ever tried spam?

Pork pies are good too, probably too good for you

You stuck up skinny bitch i bet you never get a stich