Naughty worker

He’s working in your office where he’s stealing all your pens,
he’s using up all the toilet roll and blocking the U-bends,
it's hard to identify him, because on the system he’s just a number,
he’ll make the office smell of smelly food yeah tuna and cucumber

Ten minutes of doing nothing has passed. So he takes a comfort break,
says he needs to stretch and go and get himself a flake,
or maybe a curly wurly - it's a hard decision to make,
twenty minutes spent at the machine without enough change


A waste man, a space cadet, a responsibility shirker
you've got yourself a rubbish deal employing a naughty worker

Unconcerned and snoozy smelling of fags and sex and boozy
lackadaisical and laggard, with an appearance thats kind of haggard
lethargic, lifeless and loafing, with the attitude that a sloth brings
into such an environment where the aim is to take the piss
and the receptionist hates the way he blows her a dirty kiss
and all the tubes have strikes again it really is a shame
that all the possible ways he tries to arrive result in more delay


No exertion, no production and no desire to knuckle down
he has an effect like botox on the managers consistent frown
he spends his time just writing rhymes while sitting at his desk
and asks a manager to spell check them to ensure that they’re the best


a waste man, a space cadet, a responsibility shirker
you've got yourself a rubbish deal employing a naughty worker!

He spills his drinks upon the keyboard and causes technical damage,
it's already fucked from all the crumbs he spilled out of his sandwich
and when you walk on over to ask him to do some work,
he responds with a dickhead comment and unbuttons his shirt

After a disciplinary letter and threats of harsher forces
you realise that his dad is working in human resources!

Fashion Faux Pas

Fashion Faux Pas

Noticable from afar because you’re dressed like a star and the way you turn heads slows the buses and the cars
I really like your jacket did you get it tailor made? It looks like you chose the finest tailor in the trade
And looking at your shirt beneath I can see that it is gleaming, the suit that you have on must have come straight from the dry cleaning

Moving south of your person I can see that somethings wrong
and I can only fool myself for so long
There they are lurking beneath your marks and sparks socks
I wish my eyes were failing me, but your wearing fucking Crocs.

Strutting down the street as if you’re the bees knees,
and its not my place to stop you, you can do as you please
but where the fuck did something in your brain just completely fail
when deliberating in the shoe shop at the clearance sale ?
The ‘fashion page’ you saw them on must have been the daily mail
re-enforcing the image of the fat middle-aged female


Take the weight off your feet? stop you getting hot and bothered?
don't idolise Kerry Katona or any other stupid boggers!
yet most shit celebrities have tried them at one stage or another
...even Mr Bush has stuffed his foot into the rubber.

Don't buy them they’re disgusting, they’re repulsive and grotesque!
If you want an easy ride in life give buying them a rest!
I don't care if they come in all the colours of the rainbow
when you wear them, you look shit and annoying and you move slow.

And its the ugly little charms
that cause more visual harm
to the unlucky passers by
who cannot believe their eyes

So next time you go into a Footlocker near you,
stay away from the section that smells like poo
do yourself a favour and really think it through
before you choose to wear such a hideous excuse for a shoe