Naughty worker

He’s working in your office where he’s stealing all your pens,
he’s using up all the toilet roll and blocking the U-bends,
it's hard to identify him, because on the system he’s just a number,
he’ll make the office smell of smelly food yeah tuna and cucumber

Ten minutes of doing nothing has passed. So he takes a comfort break,
says he needs to stretch and go and get himself a flake,
or maybe a curly wurly - it's a hard decision to make,
twenty minutes spent at the machine without enough change


A waste man, a space cadet, a responsibility shirker
you've got yourself a rubbish deal employing a naughty worker

Unconcerned and snoozy smelling of fags and sex and boozy
lackadaisical and laggard, with an appearance thats kind of haggard
lethargic, lifeless and loafing, with the attitude that a sloth brings
into such an environment where the aim is to take the piss
and the receptionist hates the way he blows her a dirty kiss
and all the tubes have strikes again it really is a shame
that all the possible ways he tries to arrive result in more delay


No exertion, no production and no desire to knuckle down
he has an effect like botox on the managers consistent frown
he spends his time just writing rhymes while sitting at his desk
and asks a manager to spell check them to ensure that they’re the best


a waste man, a space cadet, a responsibility shirker
you've got yourself a rubbish deal employing a naughty worker!

He spills his drinks upon the keyboard and causes technical damage,
it's already fucked from all the crumbs he spilled out of his sandwich
and when you walk on over to ask him to do some work,
he responds with a dickhead comment and unbuttons his shirt

After a disciplinary letter and threats of harsher forces
you realise that his dad is working in human resources!